September 2013






You’ve heard the saying, “Your actions speak so loudly that I can't hear what you are saying!” That is true in more than one way. Certain communication research studies, which were first documented by psychologist Albert Mehrabian of UCLA many years ago, clearly indicate what we know from experience: when a speaker’s body language is inconsistent with what the speaker is saying, we overwhelmingly tend to believe the body language over the spoken words. Thus actions do speak louder than words. Why do we instinctively believe the language of the body over the language of the tongue? The answer is simple: The tongue can easily tell lies, but it’s much harder to control what the body is saying. If the audience is going to be influenced by your body language, then isn't it really important to know how we, as communicators, can become more proficient at “speaking” with our body



Here are four things we need to know about body language:

  1. We communicate non-verbally all the time. (You are always communicating something with your body. Even not having any gestures or showing facial expressions communicates something!)
  2. People believe what they are seeing in your body language more than what they are hearing from your mouth.
  3. Body language is difficult to consciously control. (Even great liars are eventually found out).
  4. Public speakers can improve their body language. That’s the good news and that’s the diamond in this month’s newsletter!


Recently I heard a sports analyst on a radio show on a Monday – the day after a plethora of Sunday football games – ask his partner about a well-known quarterback, “Did you see his body language?” Then, mentioning another couple of quarterbacks, he went on to say, “Well, it’s plain to see that he has joined the ‘Sulking Quarterbacks Club!’” What he was saying was that regardless of what that quarterback said in an interview after the game, the message his body communicated was that he has an unattractive attitude that does not bode well for his team. Where does that attitude emanate from? It stems from a BELIEF. Here’s the connection from belief to non-verbal communication:




What’s pertinent here is that “communication” is expressed by your body, even if you choose not to communicate with your tongue and that “communication” has its source in a belief that is lodged in your unconscious mind. See the diagram below to see how it works. Follow it from right to left:




The beliefs lodged in the unconscious mind influence conscious thoughts, which influence feelings, which influence attitude, which influence non-verbal communication. Therefore, the most natural way for you, the speaker, to have effective non-verbal communication (body language) with your audience is to nurture beliefs that empower you, help you focus on your message, and respect your audience. 


If you don't work on your beliefs, but only work on improving your non-verbal techniques, then you may have robotically correct body language but you will not connect with your audience heart-to-heart.


Here are a few exercises to try out in front of a full-length mirror:



Exercises to be done in front of a full-length mirror:

Exercise 1

Step 1: Close your eyes. Think “Woe is me!” Think about how difficult life is for you. Think about how you’ve failed in so many ways. Internalize it. Feel it. Let your body respond to your feelings.


Step 2: Open your eyes. Examine your body posture, facial expression, and eyes.


Exercise 2

Step 1: Close your eyes. Think, “All things are possible!” Think about how blessed you are. Think about the empowering moments you’ve experienced when you felt on top of the world. Feel it! Absorb it! Re-live those wonderful moments. Let your body respond to your feelings.


Step 2: Open your eyes. Examine your body posture, facial expression, and eyes.


Did you notice the differences in the body language in the two scenarios? Were you slouched or erect? Did your face look relaxed and alert or drawn in defeat? Did your eyes have a look of hopelessness or did they have a glint of confidence? 


To answer the question of what causes you to have the body language you have, examine your beliefs about yourself, your audience, your topic, and the occasion. Make a change in your beliefs and you will make a change in your non-verbal communication!


How do you change your beliefs? My life-tested approach is to use the power of your imagination to create the reality you want. Meditate on it. Dwell on it. You will plant seeds in the fertile ground of your subconscious mind that will eventually lead you to break through limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering beliefs.


For a speech that reveals the power of breaking through self-imposed limitations see


After you listen to the message, turn off the audio and see how my body language communicates and connects with the audience.


Stay tuned the next issue of Dilip’s Diamonds, where we will look at action principles for powerful body language.


Diamond Tip – A Tip for Improving Body Language


 Question: My posture and gestures are stiff and feel unnatural when I’m giving a talk. I feel out-of-sync with my words. How can I be smoother and more natural?

Dr. Dilip: It sounds like you are focusing your energy on yourself when you speak. Focus on the message and the audience. Get enthusiastic about your topic so that you forget yourself! As you get more passionate about your message, your feelings and words will fall into the same rhythm. When that happens, your body language and spoken words will fall into alignment and you will communicate naturally and smoothly. Then public speaking becomes fun!

Next Diamonds Round Table is just around the corner!

Open to all Diamond Club members and invited guests:

Tuesday, October 8, 2013, 8:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. USA EDT

It doesn't matter where you live because this is an online meeting!


Two Workshops Coming this November

Mind Mapping – Unlock Your Creative Genius!

November 9, 9:00 a.m. – 4:00 p.m., Central Penn College, Summerdale, PA

This is your last chance to attend Dr. Dilip’s Mind Mapping workshop this year. 

To register and for more information visit

Click here to find out what mind mapping can do for you.

To save $20, register before October 18.


Battles to Bridges: Transformative Ways to Handle Difficult Relationships

November 23. 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. Central Penn College, Summerdale, PA

This seminar will give participants tools, which they can use to transform hurtful battles into hopeful bridges of connection and understanding in difficult relationship situations. It will be presented by the unique combination of R. Michael Donley, a legal studies professor who runs a conflict resolution service and Dr. Dilip Abayasekara, communications expert, speech coach and trainer. Participants will learn "The Art of the Difficult Conversation," which offers an approach and techniques for effectively handling communication situations that can be stressful. "Winning More Than the Battle" will give you a set of basic questions and approaches to ask that can turn conflicts into opportunities to improve and strengthen your relationships. You will learn by using the workshop as a lab to practice these approaches and develop confidence so that you canbegin to apply these tools right away to improve your relationships and your life.

Participants will receive a workbook, lunch, refreshments, and a handsome certificate. Participants will also receive valuable discounts for coaching sessions, products, and upcoming workshops.

To register and for more information, visit

To save $20, register before November 8.

  Phil R. Taylor's interviews of world thought leaders in personal and professional development on the principles of Napoleon Hill have just been published by Nightingale Conant as a 17-CD set for distributed worldwide!!


 Phil interviewed Dr. Dilip Abayasekara, Don Green (Author and Executive Director of the Napoleon Hill Foundation), and Dr. Tony Alessandra (prolific author and professional speaker) on the principle of "Going the Extra Mile." Hear it in CD #4 of the set!


To purchase your own set, contact Nightingale-Conant at 1-800-525-9000 or



Dr. Dilip Abayasekara
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in Time

Dr. Dilip’s Speaking Engagements


October 3:

Preaching with Power,session #4


October 6: 

Worship Leader, Camp Hill United Methodist Church


October 8:

Speech Coaching,Senior Manager


October 8:

Diamonds Round Table(Online) 


October 9:

Speech Coaching, Vice President


October 10:

Preaching with Power,session #5


October 13:

Preach at Camp Hill United Methodist Church


October 17:

Preaching with Power,session #6
Tribute Speech for Honoree at Celebration

October 22:

Speech Coaching, CEO


October 24:

Preaching with Power,session #7


October 31:

Preaching with Power,session #8


November 1 & 2:

District 18 & District 38Fall Conferences


November 7:

Sales Seminar, Chamber of Commerce


November 9:

Mind Mapping Workshop


November 12: 

Pastors Peer Group meeting


November 14:

Preaching with Power,session #9


November 15-18: 

Church Consultation


November 21:

Preaching with Power,session #10


November 23:

Battles to Bridges Workshop



January 24: 

Client Appreciation Event


March 14-16: 

Keynote and workshop – Church Women’s Retreat


March 28-30: 

Communicate with Distinction Workshop


May 2-4: 

Church Consultation


For archived issues of this newsletter, click here: previous issues.

Do You Want to Break Out of the Pack and Reach a Higher Level of Performance?


Then come join theDiamonds Club.


Here is what you get from the Diamonds Club:

As a member, you will receive:

  • Free monthly video conferencing,known asDiamonds Round Table.  This will include short educational sessions on public speaking, communication or personal development topics and give you an opportunity to ask Dr. Dilip your questions about any upcoming speech or challenge, “meet” fellow Diamond Club members, learn from each other, and build an online learning community.
  • Receive anevaluation of any upcoming speech. Submit a video clip or script of a speech you are preparing to give. Receive expert feedback that will inform you about what you are doing well and receive practical tips on how to improve your presentation.
  • Discounts ontraining andcoachingprograms andproducts from time to time.

You can hurdle time and money obstacles because for a low monthly fee, you can access all of the above 24/7! For more details and to sign up, click here.

Quote to Think About

Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know. 
-Jim Rohn